The Quadness of Physicals

So I had another physical today. Well, a partial physical (I’ll explain that later). Today’s physical was uneventful compared to last year’s. I did, however, overflow the piss cup by not paying attention. Not sure why I wasn’t paying attention, though. Maybe I was having a hard time (pardon the pun) because I was trying to hold the cup in one hand and the tweezers in the other. Things that make you go hmmmmmm.

I had another EKG done, which meant more probes. But it went well. I think getting an EKG is the best kept secret in a physical because 1) I get to take my shirt off and flex for the nurse, 2) she gets to touch the massiveness of Quad, 3) I get to make my chest “bounce” while she is trying to put the probes on, and 4) I get a free touchy-feely when she leans over me to place the probes on my left side. Some may call me sick. I call it being the Quad, the whole Quad, and nothing but the Quad, baby.

So the doctor comes in.
Doctor: so you are here for a physical?
Quad: a partial physical.
Doctor, laughing: partial? What part of the physical do you want to leave out?
Quad: I’ll give you one guess

Fortunately, he granted my request and decided not to do the duke chute booty juke with his fingers!

I guess his major concern was my cholesterol. Last year my tryglicerides were a studly 165. but in the spring they were up to and borderline worrisome 251. so if my blood work doesn’t come back healthy, I may have to go on medication to keep my cholesterol down. If that is the case, I am going to suggest Lipitor, with emphasis on the lips, baby. Something about lips………….you know what I mean?

Other than that, Quad is healthy: resting pulse of 65, blood pressure of 110 over 78, and 221 pounds of Grade A American Beef, dudes. Nothing but twisted steel and sex appeal, brothers and sisters….WHEN I SAY EL,
YOU SAY QUAD!
EL!
QUAD!
EL!
QUAD!

That’s what I’m talking about.