E-Bone Stories: Russian Race Horses

One of the trademarks of Quad is the fact that I can back my shit talking up. Very few times have I put my balls on the line without being able to get them back. Know what I mean? So I thought it was very interesting that about two weeks ago I get this email from E-bone. You see, we are both in the same fantasy football league. So he emailed me that we played each other in week seven and that he was going to beat me “like a red-headed step-child.”

Poor E-bone. Shit talker extraordinaire, but can never back it up. You see, Quad is the defending champion of this particular fantasy football league, and has no intentions of relinquishing that title. Especially to some one eye-browed, first season playing, buffalo bills fan mother fucker. I guess the Bone has forgotten all of those pool games and dart games and golf matches where I took the win, his money, and his dignity. I guess he had forgotten about the time we were throwing darts at Hor-Heys, playing cricket. All I had left was two bulls. I held up all three darts in front of E-bone.

Quad: Bone! Pick a dart.
Bone: Pick a dart? Why?
Quad: because all I have left is two bulls. I want you to pick a dart. The dart you pick will be the one I throw to get two bulls.
Bone: you can’t get two bulls with one dart!
Quad: put your money where your mouth is, BEE-YAATCH, and pick a dart.

So he picks a dart. I line up, throw, and I hit double bulls, thus ending E-bone’s game. He was pissed off like a bitch, but hey, that’s the price you pay for the life you choose, brother.

Anyway, week seven rolls around and E-bone had edited his SmackTalk on the fantasy site to read, “Macho, you are going down like a Russian Race horse!” Now, I have heard of “pissing like a Russian Race horse,” but never “going down like a Russian Race horse.” Which makes me wonder if it was a metaphorical Freudian slip? Sort of in the same category of Jake having a “cock” on his leg (see story about tattoos). I mean, how in the hell does E-Bone know how a Russian Race horse goes down? Has he seen one? But wait a minute. I just thought of something………E-bone - - - - Race Horse………hmmmm. Bone - - - horse. HMMMMM. Sounds a little TOO coincidental to me!

So I edited my smack talk and said, “I am going to throw E-Bone a BONE!” which is exactly what I did. Going into last night’s game, I had a commanding seven and a half point lead. I had shockey at TE while he had tiki barber. It was going to be close. But last night was a lesson showing that history repeats itself. Just as in past tries, E-bone talked a lot of shit but couldn’t close, dudes. Quad took him to school with a 2.5 point cushion, which secures Quad’s place in first and bumped E-bone all the way down to seventh.

Poor E. Always wanting to play with the big boys, but is left sitting on the sidelines. Oh well. Maybe in the playoffs, E!!!!!! That is, IF YOU MAKE IT!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha.