The Couch, A Dollar, and CHKD

We’ve been in the Quad dome now going on five years. And we still don’t have any damn furniture in the “living room.” Ever since we moved here, MQ has slowly decorated that room to resemble a living room from a beach house. Considering she used to live at the beach and we spend probably a month or more total per year at nags head, hatteras, or myrtle beach, I had no problem with it. After “beach” pictures, pelicans, and the like, I’ve been lobbying hard now for a month or so for furniture.

MQ had decided long ago that she wanted the furniture to be Rattan. No problem. I’ve always liked that type of furniture. So I was happy as a drunk with a keg when MQ found a Rattan sofa that her best friend was going to give us. Her friend bought some new furniture and wanted to give us her Rattan couch. Needless to say, after the fellas and I played golf a couple of weeks ago, I went to the friend’s house to get the couch.

Now, a couch is heavy enough. Add a hide a bed, plus being made out Rattan, and you’ve got a couch that is heavy as hell, but he ain’t my brother, if you know what I mean. So imagine my, ummm, state of mind after I loaded that heavy bastard into the truck, unloaded it into the garage, only to have MQ tell me that she didn’t like it because 1) she thought the cushions were more colorful (they are an off white) and 2) the Rattan was too light and didn’t match out current wood work.

Quad: we can stain it to match.
MQ: no. too much trouble.
Quad: maybe we can pay someone to do it. They can also upholster the fabric to a pattern you like.
MQ: nahh. That’s too expensive.
Quad: it can’t be as much as a new one, can it.
MQ: well, it’s not what I wanted.
Quad: then why the hell did you have me go get it?
MQ: I didn’t know I wasn’t going to like it.
Quad: why didn’t you go see it, or ask your friend about it?

I guess that made too much damn sense because she closed the door without answering.

Fast forward to yesterday, Saturday. I had decided that I was going to take the sofa down to the thrift store and donate it.

MQ: which one are you going tot take it to?
Quad: the DAV down on Mercury.
MQ: why the DAV?
Quad: well, my dad is a disabled vet. Your dad is a disabled vet. I just thought I would take it there in hopes it will help future vets.
MQ: why not the Children’s Hospital of the Kings Daughters thrift store?
Quad: I hadn’t thought of that. Why?
MQ: well, I was talking to this lady while I was getting my hair done, and she was telling me how her and her husband had had a boy, but it died at two weeks old because of some heart condition. Now, she’s pregnant again and they just found out that that baby, too, has a heart condition. I just thought it would be nice if you took it down there.
Quad: you know what? I just read last week about the two year old grandson of Joe Gibbs being diagnosed with leukemia. I’ll take it down there. Good idea.

So I load it into the truck, and me and The Future take it down to the CHKD thrift store. I park in front and go in.

Quad: I have a couch I want to donate. Where should I put it? (NOTE: I have my own U-haul grade hand truck with a strap.)
Counter Girl: just leave it on the sidewalk with everything else.
Quad: do I get a receipt?
CG: he yah go. (she hands me a blank receipt for ME to fill out).

So while I am unloading the couch, The Future is “helping” this guy back his truck up to his trailer. The man subsequently hands The Future a dollar. Cool.

About this time, this woman appears.
Quad: where would you like for me to put this?
Woman: just take it in the stoe.
Quad: where should I put it once I am in there?
Woman: on the floe.
Quad: no shit? I know that. But where? This thing is heavy and I don’t want to be moving it all over the store.
Woman: just leave it here on the sidewalk.

So I unload it, move it to the sidewalk, and unload the cushions. The women spray it with sanitizer. I put The Future in the truck and buckled him in.

Quad: where to, pook.
Future: 7-11!
Quad: why 7-11?
Future: cause I got a dollar!

That’s right, son. And we just helped a lot of children. What a way to spend a Saturday morning.

Silence in the Hood

12 days and counting.

No. I am not going on a trip or anything, but it’s been twelve days since I have seen my in-laws, much less talked to them. As you know, if you read this regularly, my mother-in-law feels I disrespected her because I got on her ass about the way she talked to my daughter…….hmmmmmm………interesting how someone can dish some disrespect, but can’t take it. know what I mean?

I asked MQ last night if her mom was still sweatin’ me.

MQ: why? Do you miss her?
Quad: no. but I can’t believe that she is not over it yet.
MQ: well, not everyone get’s over things as quickly as you do.
Quad: it’s just surprising. That’s all.

Now………..

There was a GASMAN sighting yesterday. Yes, sportsfans, the Prince of Flatulation was roaming the sacred halls of the school yesterday…….

Super Jiggy E has been talking about dieting all day. Turns out that the Bone is trying to lose weight. Why, I don’t know. He’s always been 200 lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal, dudes.

Then it turns out Lumpy is also on a diet. E-bone’s lamentation is eating the food from the diet provider. Lumpy’s is supplementation. Let’s me set it straight for you, dudes and dudettes.

E: keep your damn $300 a month you pay them for food and save it for our trip to the lake this summer.

Lump: eat what you want, ‘cause here’s the key.

I can almost bet a case of beer that neither one of them are exercising along with their diets.

Hell, boner hasn’t done ANYTHING remotely active since the last time he waxed between his brows. So here’s the key to losing weight (well, two keys actually): portion control and burning more calories than you take in.

Forget carb control, buying special food, and all of that other horse crap. Eat and drink what you want, just in moderation. Remember: I didn’t get to be Quad the Bod by eating everything in site brothers and sisters.

Unless, of course, it was fur burgers!

Baking Soda and Fire Hoses

I was supposed to go fishing this past Sunday with Excuse Man, but I wan up all night Saturday night with this persistent heartburn. After finally getting to sleep at about 3 or so, I just didn’t see myself getting up at 6 to go fishing. I like to fish. Don’t get me wrong, but not that day.

So I was talking to him later and telling him about it and told me about this “home remedy” of mixing baking soda with water, then drinking it down. “you’ll burp a lot, but it works like a champ.” He says. Hell, I had had heartburn for so long I was willing to try it. when I mentioned it to MQ she said she had heard of that, and that it was what her best friend does when she has heartburn. NOTE: I already take Nexium for that.

Well, last night I got up at around midnight to get some milk, take some tums type pills, when MQ suggested I try the baking soda thing. So I went back downstairs, mixed two tablespoons of baking soda in a large glass of water and drank it.

Words can not describe how awful that shit tasted. It was making me gag. In fact, after I drank it I felt 1000 times worse than I did before I drank it. now, on top of my heartburn, I had a sever stomach ache and felt like I was going to throw up. With the throwing up episode from November still fresh in my mind, I damn sure didn’t want to spend another night talking to the porcelain gods. I was able to get things settled by lying on my back and absolutely not moving. Every time I moved, the gurgling would stop. Funny thing though, it didn’t help my heartburn at all. Then it happened.

At 2:30, I woke up having to go number 2. Saying that it sounded like a fire hose turned on full blast with some chunkage mixed in is an understatement. I’m surprised the force didn’t bust through the porcelain and make a tunnel all the way to china. But I felt better.

I then went downstairs to get some more milk, and it hit again. “damn.” I thought. “not a night of THIS.” And again the fire hose syndrome started. It finally solidified a little toward the end to make things interesting.

Fortunately, I didn’t have another attack. But I decided that the whole baking soda thing is a bunch of malarkey. I’ll never try that again. It wasn’t worth it. BUT, I can honestly say one thing about this whole episode: Quad is NO LONGER full of shit! :-)

One of Those Weeks

It’s been a rough week or so for sir quadness. As a result, I have been in a little bit of a funk.

A week from last Thursday, we (the school) found out that a former student (was in my department) had committed suicide. If that wasn’t tragic enough, this young lady was only 32 and had a couple of children. Then we find out from the autopsy that there were “indications of bruises” on her body/face as well as “pills being forced” in her mouth. So who the hell knows.

That Saturday, we had all of my wife’s family that is local over at the house for a seafood fest. At one point, my mother-in-law yelled at my daughter (not by my current wife). Her yelling isn’t what upset me, but the way she looked at my daughter when she said it. it was a look of pure hatred. Regardless, I told my mother-in-law that she “needed to get that look off her face” because she didn’t need to look at my daughter that way to get her point across. MQ pitched in and was trying to defend her mom, then I told everyone it didn’t matter, just “chill the hell out.” Before my in-laws left, I apologized to my mother-in-law.

Well, I haven’t seen them since. We invited them over this weekend but she said “it was too early.”

“too early for what?” I asked MQ.

“too early for her to get over you disrespecting her.”

“disrespecting her? What the hell?”

Then she told me how her mom was feeling. It sort of pissed me off because her mom is one of those strong willed women that will tell you exactly what she thinks whenever she wants, disregarding respect, feelings, or whatever. AND NEVER APOLOGIZES!!! But the minute someone stands up to her, she feels disrespected.

“just as well.” MQ said. “it was getting a little much seeing them all the time anyway.”

Whew. At least MQ knows where I am coming from.

I played golf with hor-hey, jake-o and double-l that weekend as well. I shot a 10 on number one. Here’s the kicker. I shot a ten, we (me and double l) were up by two holes, and I was up on hor hey by two strokes after 9.

Then, of course, we make the turn and the beer kicks in. by the 10th hole, we had downed almost a 12 pack (double l wasn’t drinking). I ended up shooting a 100 and losing 4 holes to jake and hor-hey. No matter. It was a good time. It’s always a good time.

The week at work was weird. It was like everyone has been in a pissy mood. I think everyone at work was going through their 28-day cycle all at once. It was weird. I can’t even explain it.

There was also another death within the Brotherhood family, but I won’t talk about it.

So all of that and a bag of chips too, and you can see why Quad is a little out of his element. On a more positive note……………

I found a 23 unit apartment complex I was interested in that is on the market for 1.3 mil. Regardless of my offer price, if I make an offer, I was approved for 90% loan to value. Man, it’s good to know that I have that kind of fundage at my disposal. I didn’t like the terms originally set out by the lender, so I am shopping around. Things are happening, and it looks like my plan to have enough investments by September so I can quit teaching full time is right on track. Funny thing………the more things happen with my company, the more I seem to dislike my job……..maybe it’s knowing that at some point in the next 9 months (providing everything plays out accordingly) I won’t have to rely on someone else for money; that I’ll be completely self sufficient.

The REAL New Year's Pictures

The Future and Little Jake

Ladies and Gentlemen. The Brotherhood (minus Hor-Hey)

Dickie, Jake-O, Quad, E-Bone

My Pride and Joy: The Future of Alabama Football

The Last Word

NOTE: this blog was actually written last Friday. I just didn't have the opportunity to post it. As a result, Jake and Hor-Hey commenced to waxing my ass royally on the golf course Saturday.

You know, I sometimes don’t understand the logic, or the lack thereof, of women. As hard as they try sometimes they just don’t make a bit of damn sense. Maybe that is why we love them so much: we can live each day to its fullest with the silent assurance that we are smarter than they are.

Yes. I know. I know. They have the pussy, so they make the rules. I know that. But that statement or that assumption doesn’t dictate logic or common sense in their dealings with us. Take this conversation with MQ I just had that, 15 minutes later, still has me completely confused.

I get this email from her that she had sent to a friend of hers and CC’d me. Here it is:
“OK - put that desk outside on your driveway tomorrow morning and I will have Quad swing by and pick it up after he finishes playing golf tomorrow morning (quad - the desk is that drawing desk we gave that used to have)”.

So I ask you, does this email make any sense and should I know what the f--- she is talking about? So I emailed her back:

“I have no idea what you are talking about. Call me to explain. Thanks.”

No I love you’s or anything. Just call me. For all of you young guns out there, this was one of those times where I just had to be dictatorial in my statement. Anyway, the phone rings. Here’s the conversation.

Quad: hello.
MQ: it’s that desk ***** used to have that had the side pocket for paper, the little tray on top for pencils and crayons, and had the light underneath it.
Quad: oh yeah. I remember.
MQ: well, we loaned it to ***** when she was younger and she doesn’t want it any more. So I asked her mom to put it by the road so that you can swing by and pick it up after golf tomorrow (NOTE: I have a Jake-O/Hor-Hey ass whipping scheduled for 0750 hours in the morning).
Quad: ok. Where do you want me to put it when I get home (NOTE: this is a good lesson for the newly married’s. you have to be as specific as possible in your questioning in order to get your wife to commit to a rock solid answer. Had I not asked this question, it would have been the wrong location regardless of where I put it.)
MQ: well, we don’t need it because The Future has that new desk. I was going to see if ***** wanted it. if she doesn’t want it, then we can just get rid of it.
This is where the conversation gets illogical.
Quad: so let me get this straight. You want me to go pick up a desk from someone else so that we can get rid of it.
MQ: yes.
Quad: that’s stupid. Just have them get rid of it.
MQ: how is SHE supposed to get rid of it?
Quad: is she married?
MQ: yes.
Quad: doesn’t her husband have a truck?
MQ: yes.
Quad: then she can have HIS ass take it to the dump. He can take it to the dump just as easily as I can. And I am NOT picking something up just so I can get rid of it.
MQ is silent. I can sense her mind churning. Then it happens.
MQ: that’s fine.
Oh shit. Hell is about to break loose. A man never wants to hear “that’s fine” from his wife.
Quad: do you understand my point?
MQ: yeah, I understand it. I’ll just tell ***** tonight just to go ahead and get rid of it.
Quad: OK. Sounds good. Thanks.
MQ: but I don’t know why you can’t just go pick it up. click.

Women. Illogical and always have to get the last word in.

The Capstone, The Spread, and The Brotherhood

The news from the Capstone is that Nick Saban will be named the 27th head football coach at Alabama later today. While on the one hand I am happy because I feel he will restore the Tide to its glory days, I worry because he has never stayed anywhere longer than 4 years.

I won lunch off of the Louisville-wake forest game last night. The spread was Wake +10 and over/under 54, so I gave the 10 points with under 54 to a friend of mine who graduated from Wake for lunch. The final score was 24-13, so I squeaked by by one point. Oh well, I’m getting free Chinese today for lunch!

Not much has been happening in the world of Quad. I got everything I asked for from Santa (with the exception of…. Well, you know). I had a good holiday break. I was able to go fishing and enjoyed the hell out of that. even though we were skunked, it was good to be on the water. I am finding the more time I spend on the water the more I feel like that is where I need to be. It relaxes me. It feels good to feel the wind.

As noted yesterday, the new year was rung in with a gathering at Jake’s house. Man, what a good time. You know, I was watching the end of the movie “Family Stone” (five Quad Stars) last night while “The Future” (formerly known as Pookie) was in the bath. As they stood around the Christmas tree enjoying its beauty at the end and the realization that their mom/wife/grandmother had passed, I couldn’t help but feel a little melancholic regarding new year’s eve. There is nothing I want more than for the brotherhood to get to the point where we are together constantly, celebrating birthdays, anniversary’s, holidays, etc. over the years.

At some point, we will be the only family each of us have. We need to build on our family NOW. Our children need to grow up knowing their “cousins” and their “uncles” and “aunts.” We need to welcome each other into our homes unconditionally and without abandon so that we will always have a “home” to go to. We need to be there for each other, forever.

I’ll tell you this, that was the warmest gathering of people the other night that I think I have ever been around. Jake and his wife have done a marvelous job of creating a home environment where everyone feels welcome the minute they walk through the door.

So, we have started to make plans for a vacation this summer. E-bone brought up going to Smith Mountain Lake for a week and said if I took my boat then he would pay for the cabin. Man, I can’t wait for that. it will be a blast fishing and drinking with the fellas and the families and watching the chilluns jump off the pier to swim. The entire brotherhood is invited, to include families.

As our 20th year of friendship rang it at midnight, the year long celebration of life and friendship has begun. If the second 20 years is anything like the first 20, then I can’t wait! Vive’ Le Brotherhood!

Happy New Year!

The world let out a collective yell last night as the heavily favored Oklahoma Sooners fell to the George Mason of College Football, Boise State University. With 22 points being scored in the last 86 seconds of the game, then a gut wrenching, career defining, big ball having two point conversion to win the game, it was a game that even Hollywood could not have matched no matter who was writing the screenplay. If you get the chance, watch that game on ESPN classic because it was the best game of the bowl season aside from the ass whipping USC put on Michigan. And people wanted Michigan to play Ohio State again for the National Title? Bitch, please.

Anyway, this game was watched the night after we spent New Year’s eve at Jake-O’s house. The brotherhood was all out in full force, with the exception of Hor-Hey. He was in Kentucky visiting family, but we dearly missed him and his clan. E-Bone came down from the DC area with the family, and the ever lofted Dickie from Dickie toys made an appearance. It was one for the ages as we all sat around and partied like rock stars with kids playing in the background. It was truly a Norman Rockwell moment that will forever be painted upon the canvas of life.

Blah blah blah. Let me show you some pictures from that night.

Jake’s wife was going to make a vegetable tray. But before she cut up the carrots, she took a picture of them. E-Bone said those were the best tasting carrots of all time. Hmmm. Wonder why?

Speaking of E-bone, he was drinking his beer from a glass all night. Don’t know why. Maybe he liked the taste of what was REALLY in his glass!!!

Jake and his wife bought a new house this year. They went from 1200 square feet to around 2000. Man, what a change. He even had a custom fence put in. Check it out.

Jake’s back porch. He hasn’t finished unpacking from the move yet.

E-bone showed off his new tattoo.