Baking Soda and Fire Hoses

I was supposed to go fishing this past Sunday with Excuse Man, but I wan up all night Saturday night with this persistent heartburn. After finally getting to sleep at about 3 or so, I just didn’t see myself getting up at 6 to go fishing. I like to fish. Don’t get me wrong, but not that day.

So I was talking to him later and telling him about it and told me about this “home remedy” of mixing baking soda with water, then drinking it down. “you’ll burp a lot, but it works like a champ.” He says. Hell, I had had heartburn for so long I was willing to try it. when I mentioned it to MQ she said she had heard of that, and that it was what her best friend does when she has heartburn. NOTE: I already take Nexium for that.

Well, last night I got up at around midnight to get some milk, take some tums type pills, when MQ suggested I try the baking soda thing. So I went back downstairs, mixed two tablespoons of baking soda in a large glass of water and drank it.

Words can not describe how awful that shit tasted. It was making me gag. In fact, after I drank it I felt 1000 times worse than I did before I drank it. now, on top of my heartburn, I had a sever stomach ache and felt like I was going to throw up. With the throwing up episode from November still fresh in my mind, I damn sure didn’t want to spend another night talking to the porcelain gods. I was able to get things settled by lying on my back and absolutely not moving. Every time I moved, the gurgling would stop. Funny thing though, it didn’t help my heartburn at all. Then it happened.

At 2:30, I woke up having to go number 2. Saying that it sounded like a fire hose turned on full blast with some chunkage mixed in is an understatement. I’m surprised the force didn’t bust through the porcelain and make a tunnel all the way to china. But I felt better.

I then went downstairs to get some more milk, and it hit again. “damn.” I thought. “not a night of THIS.” And again the fire hose syndrome started. It finally solidified a little toward the end to make things interesting.

Fortunately, I didn’t have another attack. But I decided that the whole baking soda thing is a bunch of malarkey. I’ll never try that again. It wasn’t worth it. BUT, I can honestly say one thing about this whole episode: Quad is NO LONGER full of shit! :-)