First things first: Where the hell is jake-o? no one has neard from him in a couple of weeks. He didn’t even respond to some brotherhood bantering last week, which is unlike him. I think he might be mad because I mentioned that he liked gum jobs and come to find out he went tdy with a woman whose last name is “gumbs.” Hmmmm. That’s a little too coincidental for Quad.

Well, after 10 weeks of completely dominating my fantasy league, I got my ass handed to me this week by the warthogs. What makes it worse, I share an office with the Warthogs coach. Can you believe that every single one of my starters were on teams that lost this past weekend? And what the hell is up with rex grossman? That bitch has lost his game or something. Anyway…….

Since it looks like the Slackers won again, this will drop me back into second place. The niners lost big as well, which drops them to a 5-way tie for third. E-bone got waxed, as usual. Turns out he got his ass kicked by a GIRL!!!!! Maybe she could have used some of that ass wax on his one eyed, one brow, flying purple people eaters, dudes. Two weeks to go until the playoffs. I have the Krunchers (next to last) next week as a warm up for the Syrens, the devilish woman coached team who is wreaking havoc on the league.

Now on to the real story……

Saturday was one of those rare days when I went shopping with the Mrs. Not that I wanted to, mind you. But they changed the dress code at work (again) so I had to go buy some new shirts, sweaters and pants. Since Penney’s was having a sale, Mrs. Quad (referred to hereafter as MQ) wanted to go there. I am not going into the details, so fast forward to the register.

MQ had these coupons that she could use, along with the big sale. $20 off for purchases over $100, $15 off for purchases over $75 but not over $100, and $10 off on purchases over $50 but not over $75. the next thing I know, MQ has used three $20 coupons and one each of the $15 and $10 ones. So when I added up the savings, we saved almost 50% of our total, to the tune of $409…….so if I saved $409, you can imagine what MQ spent. What turned out to be a quick trip for me to buy some clothes turned into clothes for me, clothes for Pookie, a complete bed set (comforter, shams, etc.) for my daughter, and a new 7.5 foot lighted Christmas tree. Now I know why I don’t like to shop with her: SHE SPENDS MY MONEY!!!!!

So we end up at Sam’s club for something (I can’t remember). I’m walking around while MQ is shopping and I came across this Santa. It’s a beautiful statue that one would place in their home to celebrate the holidays.


So as I stood there admiring Santa, I noticed something: SANTA HAD CAMEL TOES!!!!!! But let me digress for a moment.

Years ago, Hor-Hey and I jumped into my little four cylinder Toyota truck and beat street up to Dover, Delaware one Saturday. It doesn’t matter why we went, but we did. On the way home we stopped somewhere (I think it was McDonald’s) to get something to eat. Needless to say, the woman behind the counter was wearing pants that were two sizes two small for her 300lb body, which left her with extremely massive camel toes, the size of two fists together.

Quad: hey hor-hey. Check out those camel toes.
Hor-hey: where?
Quad: on that woman behind the counter.
Hor-hey: oh shit……….

And he threw up right there, in front of everybody. The projectile vomit bounced off of the counter and splattered the burgers waiting to be served. A clump of it even went into the deep fryer and when they pulled it out, it was a hamburger sized patty of fried puke. I don’t know what was more gross: the camel toes or Hor-hey puking. Which brings me to Santa.

Of all the people you would think would have a huge ONE, it would be Santa. I mean, come on. This guy has been getting away with coming into people’s homes for years. Couple that with having to keep eight reindeer (nine if you count Rudolph) trained and fed year round and you have someone that you would think had the largest schlong and grapefruit sized cahoonas this side of John Wayne in his prime. But nooooooooooo. Whomever came up with the idea of making this Santa took away his dignity by giving him Camel toes.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t go around checking out guy’s packages, whether the guy is a person or a statue…..but this was so noticeable, I am surprised someone hasn’t written a letter to the editor of the Daily Press. So here I stood, in the middle of the holiday spread at Sam’s club, disappointed as hell because they made Santa out to be something he is NOT. I know most of you wouldn’t believe this story, so here is a picture of Santa’s camel toes.